First of all, thank you so much to all of you who reached out with your prayers, encouragement, and advice last week! I was so touched by your kind words.
So, I wanted to share some followup so that we can all have some closure.
The final verdict is that I’m going to move forward with applying for another residency.
(You can stop reading here if you don’t feel like delving into the details) 🙂
I spent a lot of time last week praying, talking with husby, and also being prayed for by my small group. As this was happening, I had a couple of epiphanies. The first was that I actually like being a doctor and taking care of patients, which is the reason why I was struggling to imagine myself in another career. Yes, I was afraid of the difficulties, exhaustion, and frustrations of training, but deep down, I realized that I still enjoy medicine and being able to serve people with it.
The other issue that came to light was my inability to fully trust God. I was still afraid to move forward because of everything that has happened in the past. There were so many “what ifs?” floating around in my mind: What if it gets taken away again? What if it just plain sucks and I end up really unhappy? What if…? But God has been trying to bring me to the place where I can just trust him, and simply be delighted with life again rather than afraid of whatever challenges it may bring. Because walking with him, although not necessarily safe or easy, is always good (yay Chronicles of Narnia), therefore I don’t have to be anxious about every possible outcome of my decisions. All I need to do is take the next step and follow him.
And for the first time in awhile, I am actually excited to experience whatever lies ahead. 🙂